


LoveGame

by missxyloto



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, No Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9197111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missxyloto/pseuds/missxyloto
Summary: Oh he did love me, it was just complicated.





	1. Kihyun

**Author's Note:**

> Because Kiho is life seriously. I love them both so much please.  
> Enjoy the fluff and angst and pain. I love you all <3

* * *

 KIHYUN

* * *

 

I am sitting on the cold tiled bathroom, the smell of the vodka still faint. Scratch that, I smell like a walking bottle of vodka. But could you blame me after all the shit that happened. I looked at myself in the mirror, reminiscing each how cuts and bruises came to life. How I didn't care about the blood that was coming out from me. The ones my lover did. Oh, he did love me. It just got complicated.

I still remember him coming up to me in the coffee shop across the street and asking if he could sit with me and just talk. We had so much in common; it was like talking to my reflection. The smiles he gave me still reflect in my eyes. He'd sneak in my house because my dad hates company. He would always listen to me and make me feel like I'm not alone and useless. He would sing to me whenever I feel down and cook ramyeon for me because it was his favourite. He would stay with me until the sun comes up and would give me a kiss for a good day. That's the boy I loved, he would always ask me what would be my answer if he proposed to me and I would say yes, no doubt about it. He would hug me; make me feel loved and protected whenever my father has his drunken rage. I would cry in his shoulder and thank him for being there for me. He was the boy that I loved more than myself.

Then one night, he came to my room at midnight, the smell of alcohol in his breath as he kissed me. But it wasn't his kiss, it was rough and demanding and it wasn't him. He knows me well; he knows what I've been through and considers me fragile. But this night it was different. When I tried to push him away, he just came closer.

Closer and closer.

Harder and rougher.

He would touch me and it's not full of feelings anymore.

Just meaningless.

And that's the time I became more distant to the world. Just the thought of the person that I loved so much hurting me is unbearable. My faith in him faltering in the morning as the hot water in the shower washes all my pain away. I would scrub my skin until it’s red because I'd always feel dirty whenever he touches me now.

When he would come closer to me I would close my eyes and imagine him of what he used to be. The guy with the blonde hair, gummy smile and annoying laugh that was so endearing to me. The one who promised that he would take care of me and that he would never hurt me. The one who would only touch me out of love, not hate. The one who stood up to my father and told him that he loves me and means everything to him.

Now I just feel like a toy to a child, a toy that he got tired of, will throw away and move on to another. He would say that he loves me but that's after the guilt has set it. The bruises on my hips and neck remind me of he'd become. He would shed tears for me and each time those tears touch my skin, it burned me. When he looked me in the eye, he saw nothing because with every punch he'd thrown, little bit of me turns into dust because of the fire in his eyes. After he leaves, I would curl up in my bathroom, the echo of my sobs is ringing. The hurt I feel bounce back to me. Every time I leave my bathroom, a flush of crimson red are in my sink. A simple way to make me forget all the pain. One cut became two then three and now, I can't count it anymore.

And now I need that way because I'm tired of all this. I've been asking myself, what's the reason I'm still here? What's my purpose here? Nothing will change if I'm gone. My father would still be a drunken bastard he is, and my lover would just move on to another like he hadn't done that before. My mother wouldn't even notice that I'm gone, it's just like I'm an invisible man. I remember the movie we watched 'Hollow Man', I feel just like him; I have a skin, I have shape but when you look me in the eye, you see nothing.

The last things I remember are the smell of the vodka I had and smashing the bottle beside me. I didn't care if the shards hit me, it would do me good actually. As I held the biggest shard of glass I closed my eyes and whispered, "I love you."

I watched as the blood flowed non stop. As I started to get dizzy and started seeing black dots, hat's when I realized that this had been all a Love Game.

…

…

…

…

..

.

And I lost.

* * *

 

 

 


	2. Wonho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regret never tasted so bitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KIHOOOOOOOO <3  
> Honestly, writing the fluff gave me diabetes.

* * *

 

WONHO

* * *

 

 

“No, Hyungwon. Not tonight,” I muttered as Hyungwon kissed my neck with hands snaking in my belt.

“Why not, babe?” he muttered as he continued to kiss my neck.

“It doesn’t feel right tonight,”

“So, it felt right the other nights?” he said. I can literally hear the smirk in her voice.

“Fuck off,” as I pushed him aside and got my pants.

“Whatever baby. I know you’ll be back, you always do,”

I ignore whatever bullshit Hyungwon continues to say as I leave. Something doesn’t feel right. As I descend the stairs, carrying what’s like dead weight with heart pounding in my chest. What’s wrong? I called my lover and he wasn’t answering his phone, he’s practically glued to her phone 24/7 so that’s weird.

 

As I enter our apartment, the first thing I notice is the deafening silence. All I can hear is the echo of my footsteps as I approached our bedroom which smelled like alcohol. He’s been drinking in here; I know he’s just trying to piss me off. It’s been that for a while. I don’t hear anything aside from my heavy breathing so I checked all the rooms in our apartment. Where is he? After what seems like hours I stood in front of the bathroom door, taking a deep breath and slowly opening the door. Once I caught a glimpse of what’s on the other side of that door, my knees gave out and my body starts shaking with my sight starting to blur.

The stark red liquid pooling on the white tiles of the bathroom was making me dizzy. As I approached the lifeless body of my lover, all the memories flooded back. The good and bad memories that I’ll never forget. I sat beside him, took his head and rested it in my lap. I checked his pulse because just maybe there’s hope that he’s still alive. But with my fucking bad luck, he’s gone. I can’t cry. All I can do is stare at his empty caramel eyes, eyes that were so full of life and love before I screwed up with him. That’s where it hurts the most, the fact that he gave his heart to me in a silver platter and I just threw it away. I took advantage of him. I closed his eyes and remembered all the memories that the two of us shared. Memories that are like flashbacks in HD.

 

                                                                         

* * *

 

 

 

“Hey, can you wait here in the car while I get some coffee?” I asked Minhyuk.

“Yeah sure, just make it fast,”

“Yeah,” I said as I get out of the car.

 I was greeted by the barista as I walked in and approached the counter.

“What would you like sir?” she asked.

“One Iced Americano please,”

“Okay, hold on a minute,” she said as she left the cashier counter to move on to hand out a drink.

“Iced Americano for Kihyun,” she said as a short, brown haired boy got his drink and went back to his seat.

I wasn’t aware of staring at her until the barista snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Excuse me mister. Hello? Mister?”

“What?” I asked confused.

“You need to pay for the drink. It’ll be 6000 won,” she said with a smile.

“Uhh… Yeah. Here,”

“You spaced out.” She said in a matter-of-fact voice.

“Yeah…” I said trying to ignore her tone.

“That happens a lot, when he’s here,” she said smiling as she handed me my change.

“Who?”

“Kihyun, that’s his name. People have approached him, but none where successful,”

“Successful in what?”

“In winning his heart,” she said. “My brother was one of the unlucky ones, but he got over it,”

“Yeah, thanks,” I said as she handed me my drink.

 

 

When I walked out of the coffee shop and realized that Minhyuk was gone. I took my phone and dialed his number.

“Ya! Where are you? Why did you leave me!”

“You were soooo taking your time in the coffee shop and I was gonna be late. Just stay there, I’ll pick you up in an hour,” he said.

But before I start shouting profanities at him for leaving me here, he hanged up on me. That puppy bastard. So I have no choice but to stay in the coffee shop until he picks me up. I went back and noticed there are no more free tables and all the chairs were occupied except one across the boy I’ve seen a while ago.

“Is this seat taken?” I asked as I approached his table.

He looked up and saw my face. Damn. He looked at me now I feel self conscious.

“No,” he said and went back to writing something.

“I’m Wonho,” I said and extended my hand.

He looked at my hand and sighed before taking it, “Yoo Kihyun,”

The silence was getting to awkward and was making me feel weird.

“What are you writing there?” I said feeling that I need to start a conversation.

“None of your business,” he muttered.

I sighed and just stared at him. I wanted annoy him because I’m bored. And I think it’s working since he’s starting to glare at me which is making me smile more.

“What are you looking at?” he said irritated.

“You,” I said confidently.

I saw his face change to surprise for my straight forwardness.

“Why?” he asked.

“You’re pretty,”

Damn. Now he’ll think I’m a creep. He's a boy, he's not supposed to pretty Wonho.

“Pretty?” he said.

“Yeah.” I said slightly losing my confidence with Kihyun’s piercing glare.

“I’m not pretty, I’m hot,” he said with a sly smile.

I kind of laughed because I expected a slap on the face or something. Damn, I didn’t want him thinking I’m a creep.

“Of course you are,” I said.

That’s when he gave me a real smile making him cuter. Damn.

 

 

We talked about school and surprisingly we had a lot in common. He was a literature student at Dongguk University and I told her I was a professional dancer. He was talking a lot more and I was starting to get hyper. He would just laugh at that and it really makes my insides happy. It’s nice talking to someone who doesn’t get annoyed with your ramblings and stuttering. 

“Wonho,” I heard someone say and when I turned around I saw Minhyuk looking at me with a shit eating grin.

“I got to go Kihyun-ssi,” I sighed. I also saw her face change into sadness but only said “Okay, it was really nice talking to you Wonho-ssi,”

“You can call me Wonho,” I said with a smile.

He beamed, “I’ll see you again, Wonho,”

I waved goodbye and approached Minhyuk, “Who was the cutie?” he asked the moment we stepped outside.

“Nobody,” I muttered but continued to smile. Remembering his laugh is making me feel happy.

“Why are you smiling? Your hormones kicking in?” he smirked.

 “Shut up you puppy,”

                                                                        

* * *

 

 

“Will you stay until I fall asleep?” he said with pleading eyes.

“Anything baby,” I said as I hugged him closer in bed and kissed him goodnight.

* * *

 

“Wake up baby, my dad’s awake,” I hear as he shook me awake.

“Babe, wake up!” his voice getting louder with a nervous edge.

But what really woke me up was the loud banging of the door, and hearing muffled shouts at the other side.

I saw Kihyun panic. I got up and held him in my arms to try to calm her down. I can feel his erratic heart beat and muttered comfort words in his hair.

That’s when the door burst open and saw Kihyun’s father with a murderous glare. Kihyun quickly detached himself from me and faced his father.

“Who is this filth in my house?!” his father shouted and started to advance on Kihyun.

Starting to cry, “Abeoji, please stop!”

Kihyun’s father turned to me and said “You! You’re the fucking reason my son’s gay! You’re fucking up his life! Get out of here and never comeback!”

I’m fucking up his son's life? It’s the other way around mister.

His father then slapped him and that’s when I snapped.

“What the hell are you doing to him?!” I said as I approach Kihyun.

“Get away from him! He deserves it,” he muttered.

“What he deserves he can’t get from you because you’re a cold hearted bastard!” I shouted at him.

“You don’t know me,” he said starting to lose his patience with me “So don’t you dare tell me what he deserves and what not,”

“Just stop!” Kihyun butted in. “Abeoji, get the hell out of my room!” he said.

“You’ll get your punishment later,” his father said as he left.

“Baby, are you alright?” I said as I cradled him in my lap.

“I love you,” he muttered in my chest while trying to calm his cries.

“I love you too, love,” I said feeling happy saying those words.

                                                                                         

* * *

 

“What will you say if I asked you to marry me?” I asked Kihyun as we lay in my bed.

He looked up to me and smiled, “I would say yes, no thought about it,”

“I love you so much,” I said as I kissed him, meaning every word of it.

“I love you more than that,”

My hand cupped Kihyun’s face, “I love you to the moon and back, love,”

The result was instant. Kihyun’s face was blushing and a smile he’s trying to hide in the pillow.

“Hey, Shin Kihyun,” I said smirking at him.

He laughed out loud, “I love the sound of that,”

“Of course it sound awesome, it’s my name,” I said kissing him forehead as he nuzzled her face in my neck.

* * *

 

They say if you really love someone, in a sea of people, you’ll always find the one you love. Your love will always shine against the rest.

I could see Kihyun’s back standing underneath a lamp post despite the crowd in the streets. I could feel the giddiness in me as I hid the bouquet of flowers I bought my love.

Kihyun was busy with his phone and didn’t notice me as i approached. I surprised him as I kissed his cheek.

“Baby!” he said as he put his arms around my neck and lightly pecked my lips.

“I have something for you,” I said.

He let go of me and I pulled out the flowers from behind me.

“What’s the occasion? Did I forget something? Is it our anniversary? No it’s not. What is it?” Kihyun said as he took the flowers from me.

“Nothing baby. I just wanted to let you know something,”

He was confused, “What is it?”

“I’ll stop loving you when the last flower wilts,” I smiled shyly.

Confused, Kihyun stared at the flowers in question and noticed something, “Is that a plastic rose in the middle?”

“I love you baby,” I muttered as I took him in my arms.

“Thank you,” he muttered as he nuzzled in my neck, “I love it,”

* * *

 

 

“What are you doing here baby?” Kihyun asked as I climbed in his window.

I reached for him and started to kiss him in the lips. Kihyun kissed back but he’s pulling away so I snaked my hand behind his head to prevent his lips from parting with mine.

“Wonho, what are you doing?” he said in between kisses. I know he can smell that alcohol in my breath.

I ignored everything he said and started to push her on the bed and for some reason this feels right. I can feel Kihyun squirming beneath me as I kissed his neck and started to pull down his pajama shorts.

“No Wonho. Not tonight,” he muttered, as he tried to struggle from my hold.

“I don’t care,” I muttered, too dizzy from the alcohol.

“No, I said no, Wonho,” he said as he struggled against my hold but it was futile. I was too strong.

I grabbed his arms and held it on either side of him, “You _will,”_

He shouted, “I said stop!”

He didn’t get to stop me and I didn’t stop.

* * *

 

I asked him to move in with me because I miss him all the time. I wanted to be with him all the time. It’s to protect her from her father as well. She did move in. I did miss her. It just got complicated.

And there came a time when hurt was the game. We would get tired of each other’s presence and just leave. Leave and drink to forget. We would do annoying things to piss off each other and it would work. But I always win over Kihyun. He’s too weak to fight me. I always get the satisfaction of marking him as mine. He knows he can’t cry anymore because he’ll just get more. It’s been like that for a while. And I never get tired of it.

                                                                                       

* * *

 

                                After all those memories have set it I started to cry. His death finally setting in. Realizing that he had been nothing but good to me. I didn’t believe in regret until now. The fact that I will never see him smile again. The fact that I will never hear him say ‘I love you’ and mean it. I looked around and saw the broken shard of glass dripping with Kihyun’s blood. I don’t know if I could ever have closure, for it was my fault why Kihyun did all this. I was the best thing that happened to him and was the worst thing that hit him. I hugged his lifeless body and started to talk to him.

“Baby, please wake up,” I can’t stop the tears from flowing down my face as I smell Kihyun’s scent as I hug her.

“I’m… so… sorry...I…wake up…,” I stuttered, unable to complete any sentence.  

He gave his heart to me and I just played with it. I was _that_ lucky to meet the sweet side of Yoo Kihyun. His heart so good and so sweet, and what did I do? I threw his heart away. There’s this ache in my heart that I can’t ignore. It’s making me hard to breath. It’s so painful to think that he’s gone. I don’t want to leave his side; even if he’s dead he’s still the girl that gave me that fluttery feeling in my stomach whenever he would look at me. He’s still the boy that made my heart melt whenever he would laugh or smile. He’s still the boy that I drooled over for and the only boy whom I told and meant “I Love You”.

Regret never tasted so bitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me on twitter: @mywonhoe  
> Send me some love <3


End file.
